this is mental

Will you accept this rose?

2012-01-02T22:05:00.001-05:00

Today was the premiere of the new season of "The Bachelor". The lucky man this year is Ben from Ashley's "Bachelorette" season. When he was a bachelor vying for Ashley's attention, he seemed fairly boring but nice. His true colors came out when she denied his proposal last season. Sidenote - I think its a standard rule that you do not say no to a man who is on bended knee in front of you. You just dont let him get down on the knee. I think that was in an episode of SATC. Anyway, he snapped at Ashley and I was finally impressed. He said, "Dont sugarcoat it" and then walked away.

I feel that he is pretty normal - thus his awkwardness. He definitely deserves better than the array of lunatics that are in this house now. Out of twenty-five girls, there are 3 that I think could be normal. Not sure though.

This show is so bad on so many levels. Here are a few reasons:
1) Its just a bad show. Women fighting over one man with weapons such as big boobs, low cut dresses and crazy flirting? Oh, you should add in alcohol to make the girls even crazier. Check.
2) For the girls in the real world that watch it - it is just perpetuating girl on girl hate. I am guilty. I am calling girls crazy and insane and calling them sluts, slores, slunts and whores. Do I know them? Nope. Its bad behavior for everyone involved.
3) The girls on this show have little to no self-esteem. I doubt they would be on this show if they did. Lets parade them around and then have them be brutally rejected on live tv. And to be safe - and to follow in the tradition of Emily/Brad - lets be sure to have super emotional activities that remind each girl of one of the following: their child at home, their child who has died, their husband who has died, their father who has died, their mother who has died, their dog who has died...well, you get my point.

Sometimes I make my husband watch so he knows what true crazy is. I figure if he sees the girls on this show and how they act...my little moments of mental wont look so bad...right?

power walking earns more food points

2009-09-01T14:35:00.003-04:00

i walked to the harbor with a friend and on the way back wanted to stop at the local Mediterranean food place. i had to clarify my order with her because she is more familiar w/the place. she always gets a small greek salad and a small hummus. she said if you order the large, you get bread. (in my head, this meant extra bread-there is never enough for the hummus). so i said, 'dont be scared, im getting the large greek salad'. i also asked if i should get the small or large hummus--she said she never finishes the large hummus, so definitely get small. well, the small was the size of a side of dressing cup. and i only got one piece of pita, not the double amount that i thought i would. the greek salad was not bad--just lettuce, olives and some feta. the hummus isnt bad and pita bread is nothing. ARGH! so what did i learn? never take advice from skinny people who dont count weight watchers points.

reflections

2009-08-24T14:16:00.001-04:00

Do you ever play that game where you walk up to a vending machine and stare and think “if I could have anything I wanted…I would pick these!” ? Well I play that game and then I realize after I see my reflection in the glass that maybe I should play the game where I decide which exercise I should be doing instead.

I walked away from the machine w/the satisfaction of not buying something…and just refilling my water bottle. As I was looking down, I realized that after painting my toenails this morning, I didn’t let them dry and all of the nail polish was smeared all over my 2^nd and 3^rd toes. How am I allowed out of the house in the morning?

If you were wondering…I would totally pick Kettle Cooked Chips…Sharp Cheddar Flavor. Or M&Ms.

I mean, I would totally do the elliptical and yoga. : /

conan!

2009-02-19T06:46:00.001-05:00

last "late night with conan o'brien" on friday!

we'll see if he'll stick with his usual format in june when he takes over for jay. since im old now, im excited i can at least stay up for conan now.

what i resolve to do in '09

2008-12-31T07:30:00.002-05:00

Happy almost 2009. I am pretty excited for 2009 although I hate the holiday which is New Year's. So stupid. I'd much rather prefer to stay at home and watch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve, but the stigma attached to staying home alone is so intense that it overwhelms me and forces me to go out. That's right, forces me! I have no control over anything!

I've thought of a few resolutions that aren't useful at all.

1. Vacuum more.
-I definitely don't vacuum enough and its giving me anxiety.

2. Drink less coffee.
-Recently I've determined that the large travel size cup of coffee that I drink every morning is causing severe eye twitching. Or that's what my research has determined. Coffee=eye twitch. No cofffee=no eye twitch.

3. Learn the dance to "Single Ladies"
-I mean, who wouldn't attempt this? It's impossible not to sing or dance to it.

4. Learn all of the words to "It's the End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M.
-This song has plagued me my entire life. I can sing like 4 lines correctly. Honestly I don't know if they are correct. Here's what I think they are?
"That's great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes an aeroplane, Lenny Bruce is not afraid, eye of hurricane"
"6oclock tv hour..."
"uh oh this means no fear cavalier renegade steer clear a tournament a tournament a tournament of lies, offer me solutions offer me alternatives and I'll decline"
"LEONARD BERNSTEIN"

I'm totally useful. Happy 2009!

surrrrriously? some random thoughts.

2008-12-28T20:20:00.004-05:00

People who sit next to each other in booths. What is wrong with them? Do you know what I mean? Its the two-some who has to sit next to each other when there is a whole empty side of the booth across from them. Way to waste a booth for a fun group of four who might like it. Maybe because I'm not in a relationship I don't understand the need to sit next to someone and eat...but even if I was, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be one of those people. Isn't it more awkward to turn and talk to someone while eating? When they are in front of you, conversation is much easier. The couple that sits next to each other looks like they are lording over everyone and judging people since they are both looking forward.

Why are the people in my body flow class so insane as well? They ruin the very idea of relaxation by being crazy and weirding everyone out.

I now have a Wii and may or may not play American Idol Karaoke by myself...which is really no different than me singing around my house...just now I'm being judged. I'm still just as bad at Super Mario Bros 3 as I was when I was 9. How am I not any better? Did I not pay attention during my 5,000 viewings of "The Wizard"...the 2-hour commercial for the game?

I blame my somewhat fear of the city on the movie "Adventures in Babysitting". In the movie, they basically prove that going into the city will get you carjacked, involved in an accident, chased by drug dealers, harassed by Thor look-a-likes, and get caught in a blues club. Direct quote from the movie, "This is the city kid, I don't take care of anyone but myself". Scary.

As usual, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

That's all.

PS

Yay Ravens.

2 Albers for the price of 1

2008-12-23T23:16:00.001-05:00

I've discovered that I get a lot of comments when John Albers is featured in my blogs...so I'm taking it a step further...I'm reposting some old blogs that John wrote in 2003. He sent them to me today at work and they filled me with such Christmas joy that I figured it was appropriate to publish on almost Christmas Eve. Enjoy!! Don't forget there are 2!
------------

December 11, 2003

John Goes to the Mall

Over my lunch 'hour' today, I went to Tysons mall. Generally I like going to the mall over the Holidays. I may actually return to Tysons Corner on Saturday if anyone is interested. Anyway, here are some neat things about the mall during the holidays.

- If your Christmas music includes the combination of some white person singing and the use of turntables, it sucks. Tony Bennett does not need a DJ.

- It is funny to watch a woman walk by the make-up counter and give a woman having make-up applied a sideways glance. Almost like, "Darling, what are you letting them do to you." Keep in mind that the woman giving the glance appears as though her make-up was done by Maaco and involved masking tape and newspaper.

- It is also funny to watch men in the jewelry store. They all have that deer in the headlights look on their face. Their signifigant others might as well have just sent a guy with a black hood and an axe along with them, and have this gentleman whisper in their ear "You are a screw-up all year long, but if you buy something shiny enough you can get away with it for one more year, don't F it up." Jewelry stores, have some program where the hapless guy can go in, pick out three things he thinks she'll like, put the item numbers on some kind of certificate so the chicky can go in and pick out one she likes. It will seem like he tried, she'll get whatever trinket she wants, and no one gets hurt.

- If I had known my parking space was in such demand, I would have put it on e-bay.

- People are not beating their children enough. It's cute for about a minute to have your kid whimsically wandering around the walkway of the mall. After that minute is up I am going to walk by with the anvil I have in a Hecht's bag and knock some sense into him.

- I don't go into half of the stores that sell men's clothes even if I am looking for clothes. Why? Because I can't tell if the sell men's clothes, because they are tucked into a closet way in the back behind the four hundred different types of silk scarves you can buy.

- I like walking around and seeing that the shop that was the Halloween store is now the National Zoo store, and the same people are working there.

- There is a kid's Bath & Body works. You don't need this. If you get your kid fruit scented shampoo, they are going to drink it. Get them stuff that doesn't make them cry when it gets into their eyes.

- Chespeake Knife and Tool has buy one, get one 30% off. Exactly how many knives do you want me to buy? I want to buy two, come back to rob the place, throw one at an employee and whip out the second one, and inform everyone that I got it on sale.

- A gentleman on a cell phone was overheard suggesting that he was going to sell something for a "three-thirds" mark-up. "Three-thirds" equals one. Good luck making a profit on that one you preening schmo.

- For all your fashion designers, when a new style comes out, the first thing I think when I see it should not be "Do I have brass ones big enough to wear that?" They are clothes, this is not Jackass. Dressing myself in the morning should not be some kind of stunt involving my dignity. You know why your clothes look good? Because you put them on waifs with pretty face. I never even look at the clothes because I am trying to count the right angles on this coat hanger with legs that you have dressed in a parka and a tutu. Hot people look hot no matter what you put them in, and I am going to look like crap by comparison no matter what you put me in.

- I saw a tie with Rhinestones on it. I wanted a regemental tie that was red & either white or light silver. It's christmas, and it would look like an F-ing candy cane. Got it? I should not be able to come up with a design that includes a primary color and white in alternating stripes that does not exist. But I can get a tie with rhinestones.

- Shouldn't you be in school?

- Stop dressing like that, you're not old enough to know better. Yet.

- It is not a salesperson stalking me while I shop. It is by own reflection in the mirrored pillar you dolt.

------------------------------

December 29, 2003

Costco

Here is the last dose of John before the New Year, musings as I strolled through Costco:
- Two fire extinguishers in your cart? If encounter a problem that requires two fire extinguishers, before you cast yourself in the lead role of "Backdraft 2," try dialing 911.
-Housewives, stop sniping at each other about your place in line. I have a solution: Spatulas at dawn. Whoever can make a Western Omelette the fastest wins.
-It is impossible to shoplift at Costco. The quantities are too big. No one is smuggling out a 55 gallon drum of Crisco. This observation comes from a person who has smuggled not only a jack-o-lantern candle holder out of a bar in his pants, but also a candy-cane candle the size of a coffee can in his coat.
-While the developments in toaster technology are amazing, I still burn mine. Fix that before you develop something that would allow me to toast an entire loaf of bread at a time.
-My life can be had for less than it costs to purchase a single Taylor Made driver.
-There are gravity bike stands. I encourage you to purchase one of these, as I purchased an anti-gravity one, left it outside, and now I can't find it or the bike that was on it.
-You, in the bakery section, I want to smash your face into that giant sheet cake over there. Not in a mean way. In a playful way, banking on the fact that I am faster than you, and any Costco employee I might encounter.
-The dungeness crabs they have there scare me. I wish they would stop hassling me for money.
-Who wants to join me in a Dr. Phil book burning? You can solve all the world's problem and look like a child molester at the same time. Kudos.
-There are gummi bear vitamins. Should I ever chose to do myself in, this is how I will do it. I will pound bottle after bottle until I am invulnerable to cold, yet die of an overdose of any number of insoluble vitamins. Death by iron overdose sounds kind of manly, no?
-What is better than 5 pounds of gummi bears? 10 pounds.
-There is a "Trading Spaces" episode guide. This is not the worst news. It is the first of three guides. I will now light myself on fire.
-They have "natural style" beef jerky. I can only interpret this to mean it is beef jerky as it occurs in nature.
-There are bathing suits that now have the flotation devices sewn into the suit itself. If there was any question as to what Michael Jackson will be bobbing for next Halloween, now you know.
-In my time I have seen people snort jello, flour, and ritalin. Future experimentations I would like to see include parmesan cheese, raisins and dishwashing crystals.
-If [insert metallic superhero] had nose hairs, would they be like a scouring pad?
-In Costco, you can conduct 'ramming speed' runs on unattended shopping carts with little to no repurcussions.
-The picture of the hot dog at the food stand is approximately 8 feet long. I need an adult.
-They are hiding the weapons of mass destruction behind the 5 pound Chicken of the Sea containers.

And now for some news about me:
-Last night, walking between two houses in the dark, I ran squarely into a tree that was about three feet tall while carrying wine stoppers (don't ask). I managed to break the skin on my thigh, but the only damage to the pants was a giant hole in the crotch. I cannot carry anything in my left front pocket because it hurts too much.
-Two of my uncles bought each other the identical christmas present; Craftsmen aluminum hydraulic car jacks.
-I bought my father a pair of Motorola walkie-talkies. Unbeknowst to me, he purchased 3 pairs of said walkie-talkies for two of my uncles and my cousin's husband. Now do the math. 6 gifts exchanged hands, while only 2 different products were involved.
-Suppose that my Uncle Tommy has a Toyota Camry. And suppose that my father gave him a small, festively wrapped disc-shaped item as a present. And suppose that upon unwrapping this present, my uncle should find a rice cake with "Fuel Cell for a Toyota Camry" written upon it in black sharpie. My father did this for every relative that happens to have a Japanese car, which is pretty much all of them. It should be noted that when I am home, there are NINE cars strewn about the property. 3 of them run. How can you not love him.

Pretty good gene pool we've got working.

its the final countdown

2008-12-23T03:21:00.002-05:00

Totally stole this from Marty because I'm apparently inept at finding out things that are of relative importance to my life....but yeah...this is good news and it warrants its own blog.

the best show that isnt on the air anymore/i heart jason bateman.

Yes it is 3:22am and I have some sort of sleeping disorder.

saved by the bell as seen through the eyes of an outsider.

2008-12-20T03:16:00.003-05:00

Dear Normal People,
I sometimes forget that others don't watch as much Saved By the Bell as I do. I was chatting with the lovely and talented John Albers and he schooled me on what its like to not be obsessed with SBTB. Everything seems much simpler even though the whole conversation did upset me to my very core. I've made notes in some key areas.

John: ok, someone said 'this guy mark, blah, blah' and i said 'who's mark?' and they said 'zach morris' or something

me: mark paul gosselar yes

John: and I said 'who is zach morris' (seriously?? and he keeps spelling it wrong)

me: lol, i would have punched you in the face (an almost true statement)

John: which is apparently equivalent to spitting on the pope or something (true)

look

I know who some of the people are

me: lol its true

John: there is dustin diamond (he's got 1)

John: the slater guy (2)

John: mario lopez (3)

i think

me: yes good job

John: the showgirls girl (4)

berkely

me: the slater guy hahahaa ("the slater guy" is a great descriptive)

yes jessie

John: and the black girl (makes sense since the school lacked in diversity (5))

and some other white girl (6)

me: yes lisa turtle

yep, kelly kapowski

John: the white girl is sorta famous

me: tiffani amber theissen

John: she has 3 names or something (bingo)

yeah

me: she was on 90210, yes! good job

John: and mr. belding

me: altho impressive...im still humored that you know details about everyone but the main character

John: ok, but the zach guy has done almsot nothing else though he was in some college movie

i don't really know them from the show (albers is the only person who knows the cast of sbtb by their "other" work)

me: zack. (here is where i correct his spelling)

college movie--dead man on campus

John: right

me: he also was on nypd blue and on tnt now "raising the bar"

John: but there was the porn tape, showgirls, mario lopez was everywhere,

90210 (way to break it down)

me: touche. (i was left speechless....)

get out of my face, facebook!

2008-12-18T05:03:00.006-05:00

So, let's get this out of the way- I really like Facebook. I used to be a Myspace kind of girl...but the lure of Scramble and Pathwords brought me to the dark side.

My main *original* complaint about Facebook was that I just didn't get it. I didn't understand why someone was "poking me" or "throwing a sheep in my direction" amongst other things. Again through the games and the ease of posting/tagging photos, I became a quick fan....a rabid supporter if you will.

As of late, I've been noticing I'm receiving more and more requests for what I think is weird. No, I do not want to accept your Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas treat. I'm terrified of whatever a "hatching egg" is and guess what--we will probably not actually prevent global warming by accepting a "lil green patch".

I logged in yesterday and I have a record high 27 requests. I did a screenshot to show the absurdity. I think my favorite is "1 kidnap request". So now someone is requesting to kidnap me?? How polite. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the thought when you click on my name to send me stuff...but chances are I won't accept it. Now its more of a personal vendetta against the requests. Or notifications. How insane is this? Check out the screenshot below.

Here are the requests since it didn't show up too well:

1. 1 friend request

2. 1 own your friends invitation

3. 3 drinking requests

4. 1 purple reign!!!! w request

5. 1 wacko for flacco!!! request

6. 1 heart request

7. 1 my christmas present invitation

8. 1 you're hot request

9. 1 christmas decoration request

10. 1 gingerbread cookies request

11. 1 cause invitations request

12. 1 christmas treats request

13. 3 (lil) green patch requests

14. 1 wacko for flacco! wa request

15. 1 portis hit the purpl request

16. 1 go joe flacco! wave request

17. 1 baltimore gifts request

18. 2 christmas tree requests

19. 1 holiday-cheer request

20. 1 i love the 80s invitation

21. 1 kidnap request

22. 1 thinking of your request

Anyway, time go, I have to open my christmas gifts, wave for joe flacco and have a virtual drink.

wanna rave?

2008-12-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

OMG. "Saved By The Bell: The College Years" makes me want to stab myself.

Pretty strong statement, but so true. I love SBTB...but TCY is just SO bad. Not even the good kind of bad like its predecessor. What's the deal TBS? Why must you ruin my Fridays with episodes of TCY between 7-8:30 when I usually watch my old fashioned SBTB?

I digress. TCY are horrible...here are a few reasons why:

1. No Lisa, Kelly*, Jessie or Belding.
-Lisa has been on SBTB since the "Good Morning Miss Bliss Days" (worst theme song ever). She was there during the Rockumentary and the Tori Years...even the Hawaiian episodes and the Las Vegas Wedding.
-Kelly* on the other hand didnt make it in the Tori Years (she was busy on 90210) and didnt make the first half of TCY. However*, she did transfer to CAL-U and somehow managed to be placed in the same exact dorm as Leslie/Alex...right next door to Slater/Zack/Screech!
-Jessie was not in the Rockumentary, Tori Years or TCY. She did show up for the Vegas Wedding and was a total fruitcake.
-Belding. How did Belding not make it to CAL-U? I know he was busy with "The New Class"...but he managed to get to Hawaii as an eff'ing tour guide at one point. He couldnt come visit the crew for Chrissakes?

2. Roger.
You know what? Roger wasnt that bad. He was pretty funny. He wore really ridiculous shirts that were off the shoulder and I'm pretty sure he was a football player in real life.

3. I dont really have any other reasons except that it wasnt funny......or good....except for one episode...

THE RAVE.

By far...THE WORST (BEST) episode in TCY history.

This episode comes right on the heels of Kelly's torrid (not really) affair with Professor Jeremiah Lasky *swoon*. Kelly isnt over Jeremiah and Zack has decided that he loves Kelly again so it makes everything personal between him and Lasky. There is trouble brewing. (Also I will refer to Professor Jeremiah Lasky as Jeremiah or Lasky because both are equally funny names.)

I'm avoiding the nitty gritty details of this episode and hitting a few main ideas.

Zack, Slater and Alex plan to go to Cancun for Winter Break...Zack wants to bring Kelly so that she'll stop thinking about Lasky. Kelly following true SBTB form of course doesnt have the money (and either does Zack for some reason), so the only logical solution is...to throw a rave!! Don't get a job like Slater, its much easier to charge $5 for party with black lights and some trippy pictures. *sigh*

Alex is in charge of music and actually refers to herself as Snoppy Ally Dogg or something completely ludicrous. She is spinning and scratching records and people are having a GREAT time.

Here's where the show gets serious...Screech has fallen into some trouble with a group of guys. They want him to steal some NO (Nitrous Oxide) from the science lab so they can totally get high, man. Screech does it to be cool. One of the finest scenes in TCY history is watching the guys put NO into balloons and then suck it out. Seriously, does this actually happen? I admit I have no knowledge of drug-use but this can't be what people actually do. It's college--there has to be a pot somewhere. I mean, even in high school Johnny Dakota showed up with a joint in the boys bathroom! This is pure lunacy.

Party time, party, party...wait, party is over...Lasky shows up...in his bathrobe.

This is the typical "WTF?" moment in a SBTB episode. Why is Lasky in his bathrobe? To quote a fellow SBTB follower, "Obviously Lasky is homeless". He lives in the lecture hall? Is this happening?

To make matters worse, Slater had to save Screech from the NO guys by raising his fist in a threatening manner and Roger's room was painted black to act as a smaller offshoot of the rave. First of all, how is this possible when Roger lives in the dorm?...is the lecture hall in the dorm? Is the lecture hall THE MAX?

OMG.

Bayside High School=DORM
The Max=LECTURE HALL

I feel like I've stumbled across the holy grail of SBTB.

Actually its between that and the devastation that I can't find a picture of Lasky in his plaid bathrobe. The image that is burned forever in my retina is all I have.

I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow........today...today...today....

conan fever...leno plague

2008-12-09T22:25:00.003-05:00

There is no reasoning to this blog title other than the fact I hate Jay Leno so I wanted to associate him with the plague.

Remember back in 2004 when Leno announced his retirement and the world rejoiced because Conan would FINALLY take over The Tonight Show in 2009? Well guess what, its 2009 and things aren't as they seem.

Rumors swirled....
-Leno could move to ABC , Kimmel would then leave
-Leno would take a 10pm slot, etc

NBC announced that Conan would take the 11:30 "Tonight Show" spot and that Jimmy Fallon would move into Conan's 12:30am slot. This news seemed fine to me. Main reason: no more Jay Leno.

I love Conan more than anything, no one is as funny or as bizarre as he is. When I was a freshman in college I found some link on nbc.com where you could receive an autographed pic of Conan. I didn't receive it until my senior year...3 years later...but it doesnt matter. I have it. I have a lovely autographed picture of Conan O'Brien. I heart him.

Wow, no outline as usual. So back to the whole point of this...I found out yesterday that Leno will be taking a 10pm slot on NBC. Which means:

NBC:
10pm-Leno
11:30pm-"The Tonight Show" with Conan O'Brien
12:30am-Jimmy Fallon*

ABC:
12:00am-Jimmy KImmel

CBS:
11:30pm-David Letterman
12:30am-Craig Ferguson

What does this say to Conan? "We didnt think you'd be able to handle the 11:30 slot, so we're giving you Jay as a lead-in like you've had for the past 20 years." The Jay and Conan audience are totally different. This is because anyone that likes Leno has no sense of humor and those who like Conan probably have the best sense humor. Ouch, fightin words.

So in a sense, Conan is still in his same slot, just a different title. He was sort of shafted on the whole getting "The Tonight Show". Kind of sucks. I still wonder what type of show he'll have at 11:30...curious if he'll keep things to the same low-grade humor that we're used to..aka masturbating bear to name one.

The only reason I'm happy is because I'm old and can't stay up to 12:30am most weeknights...now I'll be able to watch Conan at 11:30...or the first 10 min anyway.

sweet, sweet slater percussion

2008-12-02T07:10:00.000-05:00

I find it necessary to document any continuity on sbtb in this blog...

dancing to the max:
slater played drums in the band

rockumentary:
slater played drums in the band

small battles.

stuff it

2008-11-27T20:31:00.006-05:00

For as long as I can remember, holiday dinners have featured my Grandmothers stuffing. I remember loving the stuff (ha) when I was younger, but as I got older and understood things such as heart failure, cholesterol and trans fat...I realized that it was probably the worst thing you could possibly eat...ever.

Over the past few years my Mom and I have tried to persuade Grandma to not make the stuffing.

-"Grandma/Ma, you don't need to do all that work, we don't need stuffing"

-"I don't need a whole pan for myself, its too much, but thank you"

-"Just make a little this year!"

Obviously this never works. My Grandmother, God Bless Her, is a food pusher. She probably eats one bite of food during every meal and never sits down to eat, but she'll make sure that you're eating. It can't be avoided. I love her, so I let it slide. Occasionally I will yell out "food pusher!" and immediately regret it, but she just laughs and asks if I want to take some meatballs home. *sigh*

Anyway, back to the stuffing. For approximately 24 years I had no idea how my grandmother made the stuffing. No one ever watches or is allowed to help. I know there is chopping involved because we bought her a chopper one year specifically for making stuffing. There is celery in it. I know that. I've seen that before. Two years ago I couldn't take the stuffing anymore. It was making me violently ill every year. Not because Grandma was trying to kill me, but because my eating style had changed (much healthier) and the stuffing really wasn't on my list of daily nutritional requirements. I'm not sure how we found out...but Mom and I delved into the stuffing recipe a little closer and discovered that Grandma uses 12 eggs in the stuffing. 12. TWELVE eggs. Here's the thing, its not even that much stuffing so the fact that she uses 12 eggs is absurd. Ever since I''ve discovered this fact, I've avoiding the stuffing like the plague.

Without fail, Grandma always made a whole extra pan of stuffing just for me. In recent years, I've been able to leave it at my Mom's house and not have to eat it, but this year was a different ballgame. I decided not to have one bite of it. I basically faked eating the egg-filled stuffing to make Grandma feel good. Sure it's a lie, but its a nice lie so its okay. Right?

Anyway, this year was no different. We went over Grandma's and the stuffing was in the pan. I could smell it, I ran from it. My Mom and I were in the living room and here comes Grandma with a bowl of it for my mom. It was lunchtime so it was meant to be a small snack for Mom. My Mom's eyes widened out of fear, she had no way out. She ate the stuffing. Grandma came in and said "you didn't save any for Kara!". My Mom said "oh, it was soo good I had to eat it all".

Mom took one for the team.

I went into the kitchen and low and behold there was a pan with my name on it. I knew what it was. It was the pan of stuffing. I stared and walked away. I like to pretend that if I ignore things, they'll go away. Didn't happen. Sort of...

For some reason my grandma put the perfectly rounded pan on top of a basket of chestnuts. Yes we have roasted chestnuts in the house. After dinner my Pop Pop went over to eat some chestnuts (Note, he doesn't eat, he loves snacks and is as thin as a rail, so he can afford to snack AFTER he eats as well)...and he couldn't figure out what was going on with the chestnuts, and we realized that he was poking at the stuffing and putting holes in it. Much giggling ensues and I get up to help him. We pick up the pan of stuffing and oil just dripped out and our hands were covered. We both looked at each other horrified. At that point I couldn't have been happier that I didn't eat the stuffing.

My mom and I managed to get out of the house without the stuffing somehow. But I know there will be a phone call soon "You forgot your stuffing!" and I'll feel horrible.

But don't worry, Christmas is right around the corner. My Mom has Christmas at her house--and honestly we all prefer StoveTop...but that will never happen. There is no way my Grandma would ever let us eat boxed stuffing. (Isn't StoveTop soo good though??). So on Christmas Day my Grandma will come in with a giant pan covered in towels because the heart attack in a pan is still warm and we'll all stare at it and wonder just like every other year, what we're going to do with all of the stuffing.

Believe me, I'm thankful for everything and I know some people don't have food at all. But please don't let me eat the stuffing. Mom is the first victim, she called to let me know the stuffing has given her a mad case of indigestion. Myself on the other hand is feeling pretty good. The only rock sitting in my stomach is the overwhelming guilt of lying about the stuffing. Lying, indigestion, stuffing...everything you need for a good Thanksgiving.

happy turkey day!

things id like on dvd

2008-10-28T23:16:00.001-04:00

salute your shorts
hey dude!
the hugga bunch movie
parker lewis cant lose

thats all for now.

worm ears, bad music and picnic tables=true love.

2008-07-24T15:33:00.018-04:00

Going back to the roots of this blog. Saved By The Bell!!

This morning I had the pleasure of watching a well-rounded episode.

How is that possible? What episode you ask? Well none other than "The Prom" episode.

This is a classic episode. Usually all prom episodes of any teen-targeted show are a big deal.
Examples include: 90210...If you'll remember, Donna got drunk off of (literally) one glass of champagne and almost didn't graduate and there was something about this tee shirt (see below) andddd well thats really my only example, but its a good one.ANYWAY...

In this particular SBTB, we have a few story lines going on.

To start, the main story line features Kelly finally making a decision between her two male suitors--Zack and Slater. The boys finally give Kelly an ultimatum...she has to pick one of them to join at prom.

1. Dream sequence (the infamous pink border around television)
-This dream featured Screech as "Geraldo Screech" also combining a competition between Zack and Slater. There was an evening wear competition and Slater was actually wearing a white suit a la Miami Vice. Kelly chooses Dream Slater in the dream, but somehow Dream Zack wins her over so when she wakes up, she decides to choose Zack instead. Seems sort of fishy to me.

2. Kelly chooses Zack over Slater as a prom date
-This is a pivotal moment...its starts the Zack/Kelly relationship and leaves Slater available to date Jessie. Zack begins preparation right away-securing a limo, etc. Come on. We knew all along that Kelly wouldnt be able to resist Zack's charm and technological savvy (his 10lb cell phone).

3. Kelly's Dad loses his job
-Mr. Kapowski informs Kelly that he has lost his job and needs her to stay positive and help the family. There is some sort of exchange about peace breaking out, the defense department, etc etc. It was way too intense for me to follow. Kelly offers to give up her money for the prom dress...Mr. Kapowski refuses at first but then the bastard gives in and takes the money back. This is where Kelly first mentions her "7 siblings". The rarely seen little Kapowskis. I believe there is a sister that makes an appearance in later episodes and also who could forget Baby Billy? Kelly cries after her Dad leaves and exclaims "This is the first time I've lied to my father!!" The emotions in the scene are overwhelming.

4. Box of worms
-Ah Screech. Never gives up on Lisa no matter how mean she is to him. Lisa said she would go out with Screech when "worms have ears!" Well, Screech sent her a box of worms with little taped on ears. Classic.

5. The date
-Screech and Lisa went on their first date, but sat in this order: Screech, Slater, Jessie, Zack, Kelly, then Lisa. Hilarity ensues...Lisa wont sit next to Screech, there is some yelling, then Screech finally sits next to Lisa and buys her popcorn/soda combo. Lisa proceeds to talk the whole time and annoys Screech...asking each time if the zombie is "Matt Dillion"...to which Screech replies with one of the best lines of the episode, "Alan Thicke is the zombie, everyone knows that!!"

6. Jessie and Slater go to prom together
-This is where their relationship finally started to blossom. There is numerous name-calling and arguing. Examples-- Jessie calls Slater a "Chair pig", Jessie says that Slater only likes the lambada, Slater says Jessie only likes protest music, etc etc.

Then Jessie criticizes Slater's TAPES--being that he only showed up with Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson. And just to point out...they mentioned real artist names, but I guess couldn't afford the rights to the music...because when Jessie and Slater (the music chairs for the prom committee) finally decided on music, it turned out to be that crazy-ass SBTB instrumental music that they play at The Max. To top it all off, poor Screech was the DJ. You know he didnt get paid. WTF did Bayside spend their money on?

7. Actual Prom
-Jessie and Slater wow-ed the crowd with their dancing skills. Which included Jessie's highly inappropriate leg on Slater...seems that she had more experience pole dancing in preparation for her role in "Showgirls" than previously suspected. Slater was really dancing up a storm too. I keep bringing this up in these blogs because he totally he did have dancing experience yet tried to pretend that he didnt when he was on "Dancing with the Stars". He donned a tutu one too many times. Kelly/Zack had their own special prom outside on a picnic table.

It showed Zack's sweet side as he planned a prom complete with their own personalized party banner that said "Kelly and Zack's Prom". They had their first dance and kiss and eventually because of this pivotal episode...although there were some bumps along the way (ie Jeff)...they got married.

Therefore, this episode plays out like some sort of madcap Shakespearean comedy. Um, of course, that's only if I pretend that this one episode combines with the wedding episode that actually aired like 5 years later. Whatever, I love SBTB.

boy meets girl...

2008-07-04T23:42:00.006-04:00

Boy Meets Girl is a band from the 80's who were most famous for the song "Waiting for a Star to Fall". The song was featured in "Three Men and a Baby" during a frisbee montage at the end of the movie. I'm not sure if that last sentence is actually true, but I will pretend that it is and I didnt somehow make up a scene in that movie...because that would be sad.

Anyway, I remember hearing this particular song on the 4th of July driving in my car as I saw beautiful fireworks in the distance. It was all very romantic and romantic-comedy-like. I tried to think that it represented some sort of independence from everyone and an independence from my need to be involved in over dramatic situations that I probably create on my own.

But of course, all I really discovered was A) I think too much when I drive alone and B) that I'm a total softie for 80s love songs and anything love-related in general. I've never been one to fall into weepiness over stereotypical "romantic" things...but this song makes my heart go a-flutter.

Besides that goofy 80s song, today (the 11th) I was inspired by something lovely. I was driving to Alayna's on 83N when I saw someones message to their significant other (or maybe crush, stalking victim, etc) on one of the bridges above. It was the infamous creation of words by red plastic cups. Generally used for the magnificent flip cup/beer pong variety, these cups actually spelled the name of the intended party and then a few moments later the second bridge spelled "I love ya" in cups. It struck me as really sweet and it began to melt away at my tough exterior that I so willingly put up as a defense mechanism sometimes.

So, it appears that I'm pretty easy to please. Play "Waiting for a Star to Fall" and then spell something in plastic cups for me and I'm yours.*

Enjoy the cheesiness of the video:

*Also must kill bugs. I saw some sort centipede-type thing in my room tonight and I almost fell over.

these dreams...dreamlover....i can dream about you...dreamweaver...dream on...dont dream its over...

2008-07-01T23:12:00.008-04:00

Does anyone have wacko dreams? I've been having weird dreams since I was a kid. Some of them I remember in detail, others not so much (as you'll see below). I pretty much think my brain is way over active and the dreams I had as a kid were totally meant to come back and bite me in the ass. I'm going to try to list some of the dreams I remember and then list some of the ones my friends have told me about. It might explain our behavior. Who knows.

Weird Blimp Guy (circa 1984):
The earliest dream I can remember is one where a evil figure (resembling Count Chocula) was flying overhead in a blimp stealing my stuffed animals. Terrifying.

My Pet Monster (circa 1986):
I had a dream that involved me on a skateboard. I fell off and landed pretty much under a car. My arm was out-stretched and before I knew it, "My Pet Monster", had bitten off my arm. It wasnt bloody or anything, just gone. This fear of "MPM" lead me to a fear of "Where the Wild Things Are" as well. I fear the day that Simon wants me to read that book to him and I have a panic attack.

Short Circuit (circa 1986):
All I remember is that Johnny 5 was chasing me down the alley behind my Grandma's house. I ran into her kitchen and shut the door, but Johnny 5 was strong and started pounding on the door and before I knew it...his little metal hand was coming through the crack of the door and reaching for my neck. Now I can't see the movie "Wall-E" because he is most obviously the evil spawn of Johnny 5. And of course I cant watch "Short Circuit" anymore either.

Preggo (circa 1998):
I had a dream I was pregnant with Brandon's baby. I was mortified in the dream. That's pretty much it. I remember yelling "I DONT WANT THIS KID!"

Puppies (circa 2004):
I remember being in a room with Chris and we were surrounded by puppies. Then we carried candles to another room. They were lit. That's all I remember. Weirdness.

The House (circa 2008):
The first scene has Dion, Alayna and I in a bar. Dion kept trying to buy me beer and hotdogs. Next we were in the new house that Alayna and Dion bought. It was decorated in black/white tile and blue walls. She was really upset that they had an extra attic room...and I pointed out that she could put an older son up there, like Greg Brady.

Alicia's European Dream (2008):
I dont remember much about what Alicia said, but Simon was there dressed as a little European boy and he was proper and had a lovely accent and was making friends with people. I think.

Alayna's Donut Dream (2008):
I'm convinced Alayna had a dream about a donut. It might just be this blog that I'm thinking about. Hmm.

Carson's Monkey Dream (2008):
Straight from his email:
"I had an awesome dream where I was just driving around, but instead of people I kept seeing cute little tree monkeys. Monkeys in suits, construction worker monkeys, girl monkeys, homeless beggar monkeys, kid monkeys that dyed their monkey hair all the colors of the rainbow. Man, it was a good dream."

So, I'm not sure if dreams really mean anything...half the time you cant remember them and its just a hodgepodge of everything that crossed your path that day. The most random things stick in your head and then BOOM weird dream. I'll now leave you with one of the greatest songs ever with "dreams" in the title. Enjoy and don't be scared. You love it.

Dad quotes part deux

2008-06-30T23:12:00.003-04:00

Dad quotes are always funny, but what about when you add Dad's dryness to a large amount of narcotics after his knee replacement surgery? Gems. All gems.

Again, unless you know my Dad, they may not be as funny to you.

"Great. Because she's insane, I have to have girly tissues"
-In reference to the box of fancy tissues Grandma bought him

"Oh man. We've got to get our hands on this stuff man."
-What stuff
"Dope. BOOM. OUT. BOOM. OUT"

"They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no..."
-Yes, the lyrics to Rehab by Amy Winehouse

"I'll push it again for the heck of it...it probably doesnt do anything"
-The drug button that releases MORPHINE into his IV

"Why are you staring at me? Why dont you sing holy songs? Rock of Ages..."

"I like this view"
-What do you see?
"The top of a tree"

"JESUS, put me under!"
-after Mom was talking to him

-Dad, your toiletries are in the bathroom.
"No, they are health and beauty aids"

"I gotta have Puffs? I cant even get to my stinkin nose with this thing"
-Yelling about tissues and the oxygen nose thing

"I successfully completed the pill"
-After swallowing one pill

"What do you expect? I'm hooked up to DOPE!................dopamine"
-After being laughed at for dozing off

we're toast

2008-06-23T22:28:00.002-04:00

There are plenty of reasons why Alayna and I are best friends. Some of these might include: our ability to laugh at everything, a complete understanding (usually) of each others behaviors, and a love of 80s music.

Personally, I think the biggest and best reason is the fact that we both have toaster ovens in our trunk. Did you just say "what?" outloud? Yeah, well, its true. I was given a toaster oven probably a year ago and its been in my trunk ever since. I dont feel like dealing with bringing it into the house. Alayna recently received hers and its just in her trunk too for the same reason. Who else do you know that carries toaster ovens in their trunks? No one. We're awesome. As is documented below in 2 photos. One drunk and one sober. You can determine which is which. Maybe one day we'll take one with our toaster ovens...if we ever get them out of the car.

the enchanted f'ing forest.

2008-06-22T22:52:00.006-04:00

Alrighty...this one is going to blow your mind.

In 2005, I wrote a blog...I'm reposting it here. the purpose of this blog starts below the old blog!
==============================================================

things that screwed me up as a child: episode .1
Current mood: creeped out!
Category: creeped out! Travel and Places

when i was little i was taken to all kinds of amusement parks and i was pretty much afraid of at least one thing at each park.

my parents were big fans of "dutch wonderland" in pennsylvania. numerous things scared me here:

log flume and the "froggy" tunnel: it was the tunnel you had to go through before you got to the top of the log flume. it was one of those things that was added after like 10 years to make it more fun. it instead scared the crap out of me. it sent you through a giant frogs huge opened mouth. and once you got in you couldnt see anything. it was foggy and moist and warm and it ended my love of the log flume. do i get on log flumes to this day? NOPE. (with or without a froggy tunnel)

the jungle cruise: what looks like a tame ride is actually a horrifying terror-filled boat ride towards man-eating animatronic plastic animals. is that redundant? oh well. i have a distinct memory of being in the boat and going towards the giant hippo and alligator's mouth, again, scaring the crap out of me.

sky cab: i dont remember the actual name of this ride but i think you get the idea. i wasnt really afraid of this ride but i almost lost a shoe. thats enough to make a girl get upset!

kings dominion:

scooby doo's ghost coaster roller coaster: worst. ride. ever.

disney world:

primieval whirl: horrible. kind of like that stupid mouse ride that spins but there are weird dizzy walls and drops and i wanted to die.

snow whites scary adventures: i stand by the fact that when i went to disney world the first time in 97 it was called "snow whites adventures". when i went back in 99, it was changed to "scary adventures". before this, no one believed that it was scary..."quit being dumb kara, blah blah". ha! proved you all wrong! name was changed!

THE ENCHANTED FOREST

the entire purpose to this stupid blog. i was mindlessly searching the internet and for some reason i remembered that the enchanted forest was supposed to re-open. i googled it and found some pics. it totally freaked me out. does everyone else remember this place? when i was little i loved it, but now looking back its totally creepy! check out the website. right now the park is closed and it is being overrun with weeds and stuff and it looks really sad...like oz in "return to oz" when the wheelers were running around all kinds of creepy like and tick tock was whining in the back room "wind me dorothy wind me". but thats a whole new complaint for a different time.

anyways, check out the pictures, see if they freak you out or if its just my normal anxiety towards bizarre things in amusement parks. have a nice day:)

http://theimaginaryworld.com/ef.html

==============================================================

Welcome back. Hope you're still reading. So my Dad had agreed to take me to the "new" Enchanted Forest...and today we finally went. My mom swears that I liked it when I was little...I'm not so sure...

When we pulled up to "Elioak's Farm", I could see the crazy Enchanted Forest figurines and houses...I decided I didnt want to go in. It cost $4.00 and before I know it, my Dad paid the lady at the booth and he patted me on the back and said "its time for you to grow up...go into The Enchanted Forest alone". The next thing you know, my parents are hanging out in the gift shop and I'm trudging through the terror that is The Enchanted Forest. I was moving quick. As quick as I could due to my bandaged feet. It was hot and scary and I've documented my visit. See the below slideshow. I hope you enjoy...and I hope I dont have nightmares tonight.

View Album

Get your own

RNR, WTF?

2008-06-05T22:07:00.003-04:00

RNR.

It stands for "Read No Response". It happens when someone (generally a female) sends a text message or email to someone (generally a male) and the said person reads and doesn't respond. Hence the term RNR.

I often wonder how difficult it must be to answer text messages...oh wait, I don't have to wonder. I know that it isn't difficult AT ALL. Usually a response of "ok", "sure", "np" or even "k" for shit sake is acceptable.

I've decided to put together a few steps that will help the novice deal with an RNR. The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm probably not qualified to help with RNR's, but oh well.

1. Don't let the RNR ruin your life.
Often times the response to a text message is so detrimental to our lives that our mood and overall happiness will be tragically altered by the non-responsive party. Mind over matter. Realize that the said party probably isnt thinking about the text as much as you are. They acknowledge it by reading it and maybe smiling to themselves or making a mental note, etc.

2. Ask a question.
This is usually a good way to ensure a response to a typically non-responsive RNR-er. If you ask a question, it generally forces the said party to answer.

3. Stop the torture. Stop the texting.
I swear to God, texting is the new "drunk dial". I cant tell you how many times I text when I dont mean to or want to. I can see myself texting and I'm telling myself to stop but I cant. It's a drug. If I would just put the phone down, I could avoid all unnecessary *potential* disappointments.

I was a MassComm major. I blame all of this on my need to constantly be in communication with people. Maybe its because I'm an only child and need constant attention. Whatever it is, I need it constantly.

I felt that for this blog to be official and accurate...I should send a text in the middle of it. Well, the results included 2 responses and one last text from me with no response. Do I regret this decision?

Okay, lets recap...and see how I did.

1. Life ruined?
Mild devastation, not permanent or severe.

2. Did I ask a question?
No, so really no need for a response.

3. Stop texting.
Did I stop? No. I should have.

Again, do I regret my decisions? My answer is no. It was for the greater good of the blog. And I've learned my lesson. Just say no to texting, kids. It's the devil.

Barges, shipments, loss of normalcy: someone owes me $40.

2008-05-18T11:45:00.009-04:00

There are only a few things that I feel very strongly about in this world--so much so that I will argue about them. These things include 80's music and Saved By the Bell. I'd go so far to say that I could argue about Pee Wee's Big Adventure, but I'm scared that I'd get something wrong and I'd be devastated, so I stay away from that one.

Last night while eating an elegant meal at a lovely wedding in the very beautiful Maryvale Castle, music was playing over the speakers. Suddenly I hear Chris say, "I hate this song and Gloria Estefan". I said "Why would you say that? She doesn't sing this." And here we go. Both Tina and Chris were adamant about the fact that "Rhythm of the Night" was sung by Gloria Estefan/Miami Sound Machine. UM NO. So I proceed to incorrectly tell them that it is actually by Kool and the Gang--but quickly fix that error and explain that it is actually Debarge. An "argument" ensues and by "argument", I mean that I turned really red and was to the point of slamming my fist on the table because I was so sure I was correct. I threw a $20 bet on the table that everyone agreed to until Chris checked his iPhone and realized I was correct. Tina had to tell me to settle down. I have a real problem when it comes to things I know I'm right about. I wont accept defeat. Especially over an error so blatant as mistaking Debarge for Gloria Estefan. Yes the male lead singer has a high falsetto, but its no Gloria. How about the song they were looking for was "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You" by Miami Sound Machine sans Gloria in the title.

After the whole ordeal, I thought about how I don't get upset about anything that is serious or normal. I have very strong opinions about things that are completely useless to society in general unless we are playing a wicked round of Scene It.

The whole scene was reminiscent of the time that I called Judy out on SBTB trivia. She tried to tell me that Jesse and Slater first got together at prom and got locked in a basement together. I didn't deny them getting locked in the basement and kissing, but it definitely wasnt the first time they got together. I waited two months, researched, spoke with Nicholas and simmered. One day at lunch Tina set me up with 'Hey, so I was watching SBTB this morning' and I said "Really? HEY JUDY REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT JESSE AND SLATER!?" Umm, I'm a psycho.

Shout out to Heather for her wonderfully horrible taste in 80s music because the only reason I remembered who sang "Rhythm of Night" was because she wanted it on a mix cd in college.

Long story short, someone owes me $40. Jerks.

(kidding)

(sort of)

After the wedding, I went to Bay Cafe and proceeded to drink more than I should and I do remember a drunken tirade (I was feeling belligerent) about Debarge that turned into me talking about Barges and barnacles and why shipments come on trucks, etc.(Sorry Alayna and Dion)

Speaking of Barges, I'm currently listening to XM and the song "Who's Johnny?" by EL DEBARGE is on. El was the lead singer of Debarge. Fun fact about "Who's Johnny?" is that it is from my least favorite and most feared movie of all time "Short Circuit". (Side note, Pixar's Wall-E looks too much like Johnny 5, don't think I can handle that movie).

Just to end this nicely, after the Debarge Debacle of 2008, Tina and I danced and sang to "All Night Long" by Lionel Ritchie. No arguments here, great song (not by Gloria Estefan). Sharon caught it on video, its kind of dark, but turn the volume up and enjoy the vocal stylings of Tina/Kara. Of course, I do stop in the middle to grab my beer, but up until that point it was pretty good.

dad's quotes from the weekend

2008-05-04T22:09:00.004-04:00

These may only be funny to me and my friends who know my dad...but regardless they are being posted.

1. "i dont care who you know. those girls are all whores."
(referring to "farmer wants a wife")

2. "they moved him to the bottom floor of the hospital so in case there is a fire they can just chuck him out the window"
(referring to his own brother)

3. "i dunno. some guy who's name means beef in french"
(referring to shia lebeouf)

4. "im clicking my button on my shirt, leave me alone"
(his answer after i asked what that noise was)

5. "im going to stand here on the side until my leg works again"
(after sitting during "ironman")

6. "you are truly mentally ill. did you know that?"
(talking to me)

7. "YOU'RE NOT JEWISH. YOU GET NO BATMITZVAH"
(dashing mine and ellen's hopes for the future)

8. "I'd cover the table with hot sauce. That would stop him"
(referring to Simon's love of chewing on coffee tables)

obsession of the week.

2008-04-30T22:59:00.001-04:00

go see IRONMAN. it was great.
look how hot robert downey jr is!
(the actual movie is good too)

My love letter to Jason Segal

2008-04-19T23:37:00.003-04:00

Dear Jason Segal,
I've loved you since "Freaks and Geeks". You then moved on to play an overemotional boyfriend on "Undeclared" and I loved you then too. You joined the cast of the successful "How I Met You Mother"...love you.

"Forgetting Sarah Marshall" was a fabulous movie. You bared it all and I thank you for that as well.

What I love the most is that you are currently penning a script for an all new Muppets movie. MUPPETS! God bless you Jason Segal for bringing them back. It is going to be incredible. With your writing skills and the Apatow crew acting with the Muppets-my head might explode.

Throw in Jason Bateman and I'm set.

Lots of Love and thanks,
Kara:)

don't be jealous of my taste in movies

2008-04-12T13:01:00.002-04:00

kara (1:00:06 PM): dion

kara (1:00:09 PM): juno is on dvd

dion (1:00:21 PM): awesome

kara (1:00:23 PM): also i want to buy the movie mannequin for some reason

kara (1:00:28 PM): also 27 dresses

dion (1:00:31 PM): i don't even know you sometimes

kara (1:00:34 PM): lol

its in the toilet

2008-04-06T10:43:00.003-04:00

Update:

It is now April and I've had to reach in a toilet THREE times this year. This third one happened in March, so that's at least once a month. I was attempting to wash my hands in Alayna's bathroom sink and I noticed she had some of Simon's toys/spoons in a plastic bag that she had to quickly throw in there earlier. I didnt want to get them covered in handsoap, so I picked up the bag with said toys and looked for a place to put them down. Luckily, the toilet seat was up, so the perfect place was to drop them in there. Whoops. Number 3. Hand in the toilet again. I reached in and grabbed them and then proceeded to wash the hell outta them.

Well, its only April 6th, so I still have some time for number 4. I wish I could be good at something like picking winning lottery numbers or basically anything that doesnt involve dropping something in the toilet and reaching in and getting them. Such is life.

Don't forget to check out the blog below. Its better than this one.

my typical friday night

2008-04-05T09:44:00.005-04:00

The video you are about to see has not been altered in any way. These are real life events caught on camera. Parental discretion is advised.

Scene: The Blazakis' House
Time: 8pm, Friday night

Alayna, Steph and Kara arrived home from the track (running not gambling) with Chick Fil A for themselves and Dion. When Dion was done eating, he decided to throw the packet of buffalo wing sauce on the table very hard. It was funny to them because he also screamed "I'm so angry at the sauce!". Welllll, Kara thought it would be a good idea to record the scene so she asked him to do it again. That was the worst idea ever. See video below:

Note that Kara screamed because sauce went on her, the table, the ceiling, the walls, the floors, everywhere. Simon got scared and started screaming, Buddy was shaking and it was pure disaster.

Of course this video might only be funny to the said parties, but I posted it anyway.

Lesson learned: Don't be so angry at the sauce. And dont speak in third person.

boyfriend application, inquire within

2008-03-18T19:29:00.002-04:00

If you can answer "yes" to the following questions, please apply.

Do you at least have a part-time job?
Do you have a car?
Do you like "The Office"?
Are you sarcastic/do you understand sarcasm?
Do you dislike Nickelback?
Can you carry on a conversation with another human?
Do like sports?
ARE YOU WILLING TO KILL BUGS?

I can no longer handle the array of weird bugs that I find in my bathroom. There are silverfish and spiders mainly. I know thats not that weird, but I'm done with it. I screamed when I saw the spider crawling near my foot this morning and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed when I saw the giant silverfish crawl from behind the mirror this morning while I was drying my hair and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed once again when it fell to its demise on the sink and I smashed it again and black goo spilled out. I'm done with bugs. I'm a nice girl, I'll cook you dinner, make you laugh, drink beer, watch football and buy you things. I just want you to kill bugs for me. I'd say its a pretty good deal. Oh, can you also take half of the BGE bill?

Relationship, happiness, blah blah blah. Kill the bugs. That's all I'm asking.

blog challenge #1: "nothing really matters"

2008-03-15T13:13:00.005-04:00

Why hello there. Let me explain the title of this blog. A "blog challenge" is something Allan and I came up with to help relieve his writers block. Originally I thought it would be fun if Allan posted on my blog and I posted on his--but the look on his face when I suggested that made me think that he wouldn't be so excited about a SBTB post. The nerve. Regardless, we agreed to choose topics for each other to blog about. I wont reveal the topic I chose for him, you'll just have to read his blog to find out...and you can find it with that handy toolbar on the side. What's my challenge you ask? Here is it is:
you'll be writing about something positive. it doesn't have to be something you hate and then put a posi spin on, (something besides saved by the bell) but something you enjoy, and then provide reasoning for why you like it. you can provide your reasoning in any way you like, however 3 of the reasons must be truthfull, and 3 of them must be fabricated. they don't have to follow that order, as you may insert them as you see fit.

So, if you know me at all, this blog is quite a challenge. Contrary to popular belief, I like A LOT of things. Narrowing the topic down was difficult. In order to make myself feel better, I'm going to list a lot of random things I like and then at the end expand upon one item which probably wont be listed just to throw in that element of surprise.

You'll notice to the right I've already listed things I like. Here are a few more:
-pillows
-black shirts
-hot sauce
-ranch dressing
-grocery stores
-the smell of gasoline
-black and white photography
-the hoover dam
-the "welcome to las vegas" sign
-inxs
-pens
-sharpees
-fall
-reading signs out loud that have lightbulbs burned out and spell different things
(lazy bo, llar buys)

Enough of that nonsense. What I've decided to write about is "Bohemian Rhapsody".

Thats right. The song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Who doesnt love this song? I remember the song from when I was little and I'd hear it randomly in the car and I was always confused but amused by it. Everyone knows I'm not very well schooled on 70's music...but when it comes to 80's and 90's I'm right there. Thus explaining why I really rediscovered the song when "Wayne's World" came out in 1992. I love "Wayne's World" and having this song featured in the movie made it even better. It's the greatest car scene in any movie. That is a bold statement and I will stand by it. Thanks to Wiki, you can read all about "Bohemian Rhapsody" here. What I will steal from Wiki is the breakdown of the song. It is possibly one of the coolest songs ever because there is no "hook" or for you less cool people (haha), no chorus.

Here it is:
1. Introduction
2. Ballad
3. Guitar Solo
4. Opera
5. Heavy Metal
6. Outro

My favorite part for fun sake is the opera...but the heavy metal f'ing rocks. The guitar riff and the lyrics are amazing. "cant do this to me baby, just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here"-powerful. And you know, dont deny it, that the build up to the heavy metal section is one of the most energizing parts to any song. What a rush. I actually had the chance to analyze this song in college in my "History of Rock and Roll" class. We discussed every part and even the fabulous chimes that come into play during the song. I cant believe I just referenced "fabulous chimes"...anyway...

As I delve into the wonderment that is 'Bohemian Rhapsody", I discovered that many people used this song as an excuse for their crimes. Just because Freddie sings "I just killed a man", well it doesnt mean that you should go out and do it. You cant blame media/pop culture for your own actions. Apparently the song got a bad rep for this, but it was more recently revived when a choir group from somewhere in the midwest sang it a competition. It was one of those gospel competitions which I know exist because The Baltimore Sun used to run one called "UniSun". Whoa tangent. Anyway, the audience was overwhelmed with emotion and could not control their tears. I LOVE THIS. I like overreaction and the fact that music is so emotional. I love when it makes you laugh, smile, or brings you to tears like that audience in the midwest. I find the story a bit far fetched because I cant imagine a whole audience crying over one song, but stranger things have happened. I would probably cry over the "Charles in Charge" theme if it sounded good enough. Anyway, this event didnt take place in Kentucky because its actually illegal to perform "Bohemian Rhapsody" in public there. That makes me like the song even more. I wonder if I could go there and just play it in public, like on a boombox, old school. Would that be illegal? I hope so, what a great record to have: Arrested for playing "Bohemian Rhapsody".

I have great memories tied to this song...not only because of the movie "Waynes World", but because of the ride "The Hurler" in Kings Dominion. I'm pretty certain they played the song throughout the ride or in Stan Mikita's...somewhere. Regardless, thats a bitchin rollercoaster. Although, literally two seconds after writing that sentence, I discovered that Kings Dominion has been sold to Cedar Fair and is no longer owned by Paramount. Guess what that means? I'm horrified to report that the "Wayne's World" area of Kings Dominion no longer exists. "The Hurler" is still there but any reference to Wayne is gone. Stan Mikita's is now a "Happy Days Diner". Holy crap that is awful. I'm a fan of "Happy Days", but it just seems so wrong. What happened to the Merth mobile? This is just another entry in the diary of Kara and her devastating discoveries about old amusement parks. I cant even find a picture of the old area. I'm so sad. I think I have a picture from my middle school class trip in 1994. Here is a picture of Stan Mikita:

Oh Stan. The diner made in your likeness is gone. Goodbye.

Well, this blog has certainly taken a depressing turn. All I can do to bring you back is to lift your spirits with the harmonious joy of the senses that is "Bohemian Rhapsody". Maybe the next time you're in the car with your friends and it comes on, you'll headbang and do guitar/drum solos just like Wayne and Garth in the movie and just like me, Brandon, Heather and Adam did once after a concert.

Party on Freddie.

you auto check this out

2008-03-10T22:09:00.004-04:00

I have a personal vendetta against automatic faucets, toilets and most importantly, paper towel dispensers. I generally like the idea of not touching flushers or faucets but sometimes they are just not convenient. At work we have automatic toilets (that dont really flush when they are supposed to, but flush immediately as you enter the stall so that toilet water sprays on you) and automatic faucets. The faucets never work. You stand there for ten minutes with your hand under and nothing happens. Then as soon as you walk away, the faucet runs for at 5 minutes. Ugh. So, work decided that it would be beneficial to now install automatic paper towel dispensers. Again, the fun arrives when you need to dry your hands from the overactive faucet and you stand there dripping your hands all over the floor as you frantically wave your hands in front of the sensor that--guess what---doesnt work. So, when the glorious day comes when the paper towel is actually dispensed, you only get one small square. I need at least 3 to dry my hands and 1 to grab the handle on the way out since a lot of women come in and out and dont wash their hands. That's a whole other subject. Some days, the paper towels are loaded so that two come out at once. Days like this make me so happy. It really is the small joys in life.

Today was not one of those small joys. I left my desk to go change for the gym...in the bathroom, somehow my badge was being juggled between my hands and of course--it went into the toilet. I just stared for a few minutes and then heard the rumblings of the automatic flusher. I had to reach in and grab my badge before it was flushed down the toilet! When I yank it out, my badge holder retained a lot of water and before I knew it, water was all over the bathroom floor. This makes it two times this year so far that I've had to reach my hand into a toilet to get things...and its only March.

Needless to say, if the automatic flusher wasnt in the bathroom, I would have been able to grab the badge in a different way maybe instead of with my hand. But no, I had to react quickly and just stick my hand in. Stupid automatic flushers.

think outside the 80s song

2008-03-08T23:07:00.004-05:00

I love advertising. I work in advertising and the fun part about that is--I fall for any marketing ploy thats out there...you'd think I'd know better. A good example are food items that are shaped differently, come in different colors or different sizes.

Examples:
-Mini Goldfish Crackers
-100 Calorie packs
-Mini glasses of beer at Rocket to Venus
-Mini kegs

But let me bring you back. Lately its becoming more and more trendy to have a commercial with a current hit song or just a familiar pop song. What happened to all of the jingles and creativity of the past? Not that I'm not a fan of pop music, but don't you miss the commercials/slogans of the 80s such as:

-Whatchamacallit
-Mounds/Almond Joy
-Where's the Beef?
-Honey of an O
-The Micro Machines guy
-McDonald's Big Mac song
-Joe Isuzu
-California Raisins
-Spuds Mackenzie
etc etc

Anyway, there is one commercial that has caught my attention recently and its pretty generic. I think the only reason I like it is because it involves 'Modern English' and Taco Bell...oh and people getting together over burritos. I dunno, kind of gives a single gal hope....hope that you can eat the worst (best) fast food in the world in public and somehow fall in love. The commercial shows couples as well as "opposites" getting together. Stupid "Melt With You", its quite possibly one of my favorite songs from the 80s. It's lovely and weirdly romantic and guess what? It makes me melt. Don't you love the lead singers voice when he says "mesh and lace" but it sounds like "mesh and LAYce" because of his accent? The "hmmm hmmmm" part is great and I just turned this blog about commercials into one about 80s songs.

I dont believe in outlines before I write, know why? Because I always bring you right back. Here is the commercial that inspired me to write. Enjoy! Here's to true love and tacos.

aloha productive workday

2008-03-05T23:48:00.007-05:00

So I think we're all aware of the fact I am more than obsessed with SBTB. The thing that makes me the most crazy are the continuity errors. Today I was watching "Aloha Slater". This episode falls within the early ones where the gang is just starting at Bayside. Which, if you didnt realize...means that Zack used to go to JFK Middle School with Miss Bliss, Mr Belding, Milo, Nikki, Screech, Lisa and Mickey...but then magically moved from Indiana to
Bayside, California. It was pretty cool that Bayside High looked just like JFK. Makes for an easy transition I guess. And how nice that Mr. Belding, Screech and Lisa packed up and followed Zack to California.

So anyway...in these early episodes, Zack loves Kelly, Slater loves Kelly, Zack and Slater fight over Kelly, etc. Slater is an Army brat so moving around is normal for him. His dad comes to speak to Mr. B about Slater's possible move to Hawaii. Zack being the genius and rat that he is, convinces the gang that Slater is dying and only moving to Hawaii will cure him. How do you get him to Hawaii? Why you treat him badly of course...all except for Kelly who decides that she is going to go with Slater...wait for it...and move in with her Uncle who lives in Honolulu. If you recall in later episodes after the first class graduated from high school (1993), the gang went to Hawaii to stay with Kelly's grandfather (Dean Jones--a Disney staple in the 60s from "That Darn Cat!", "The Ugly Dachshund", etc). For years I wondered how her grandfather would have this lovely hotel (The Hideaway) in Hawaii, yet Kelly has never mentioned it...and her family was apparently pretty poor because there were 7 little Kapowskis. When Kelly mentioned her "uncle", this was the first time that I've ever witnessed a mild cohesion with episodes. Granted it was still completely off, but ever so slight the victory. I hate and love the amount of useless knowledge I've retained about this show. I thought I'd include some Hawaiian words that I've picked up from my many stays at the Polynesian Village in Walt Disney World....

flower: Pua
eyeglasses: Maka aniani
octupus: He`e
Thank you: Mahalo
Grandfather: Uncle

Success. Grandfather in English is Uncle in Hawaiian. So when Kelly was referring to her Uncle in "Aloha Slater", she actually meant her Grandfather from "SBTB: Hawaiian Style".

Done.

MosSteve (1:47:56 PM): there's a fine line between reality and delusion kara

2008-03-03T23:45:00.002-05:00

I've been really hyper on writing letters and complaining lately. It all started with my InStyle magazine not being renewed after I have already paid for it. I paid in January. Obviously I missed the February issue, but why would I miss March as well? So I complained and got the March issue for free. Small battles I know.

Yesterday I wrote a strongly worded email to Entertainment Weekly about a poor movie review they gave "Penelope". They gave it an "F". So ridiculous. I wrote my letter about my disgust for their reviewers while also praising Diablo Cody. I hope it gets published. Mostly because I used the words 'hope' and 'hopefully' in the same sentence and didnt notice til it was sent. Dammit!

Today I'm thinking about writing a strongly worded letter to the gym. Everyday when I'm in there, the children's holding area is overflowing with children. There are only 2 sixteen year old girls there to wrangle all of the children. First of all, get more employees. Second of all, the girls that you hire should actually watch the kids instead of talking on their cell phone, talking to their friends and eating McDonalds. In the past week, I've seen two children escape without the dumbass girls even noticing and they climbed on the equipment! Most of the kids escape and run into the ball pit...where...by the way, the "workers" dont watch them. I hope to God one of them doesnt fall off the top of the jungle gym/ball thing...it wouldnt matter because no one would be watching. The kids that are penned up have mastered the art of the latch hook on the door...and the kids are probably way smarter than the girls that work there anyway. On Thursday I saw a little boy get locked out and he was holding himself because he had to go to the bathroom. Did anyone notice? NOPE. He had to frantically wave down his mother on a machine and she had to take him. Worthless workers. I would never leave my child with them. I wouldnt expect much since the people working are pretty much kids themselves, but come on. Children escaping? That's a bit much.

On a side note...do you know how you go to Chick Fil A and everyone is usually extremely pleasant and says "My pleasure"? Well, not tonight. Apparently Layne and I brought out the worst in their workers...they were horrendous. Dont ask for Buffalo Wing Sauce. They'll give you dirty looks (me). Dont forget if your food is "for here" or "to go"...they'll freeze you with their glares (Alayna). How dare you Chick Fil A. How dare you.

lyrically speaking

2008-03-01T13:49:00.004-05:00

I've decided to list the lyrics that I really like. There is no explanation and no order. I just like things. I'll constantly add to the list. I encourage everyone to list their favorite lyrics. Once you do, everytime you hear the song, it'll make you feel great and you'll sing your favorite lyric extra loud. Dont lie, you know you do it...

"cant you see me standing here ive got my back against the record machine...i aint the worst that you've seen"
-van halen, jump

"the things that you say, is it live or just to play, my worries away, youre all the things I've got to remember, you shying away, ill be coming for you anyway"
-a-ha, take on me

"a second chance means nothing-if nothing's learned from past mistakes"
-the movielife, kelly

"honey one more time now it aint fair"
-aerosmith, love in an elevator

"this night is going to end when we're damn well ready for it to be over."
-against me! , thrash unreal

"now im walking again, to the beat of a drum and im counting the steps to the door of your heart"
-crowded house, dont dream its over

"whoa i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself. you know that i could crush you with my voice, stood on my roof and tried to see you...forgetting about me. hide the details i dont want to know a thing"
-fall out boy, the pros and cons of breathing

"breathe out, so i can breathe you in"
-foo fighters, everlong

"im an addict for dramatics, i confuse the two for love"
-taking back sunday, liar (it takes two)

"just tie the rope and kick the chair, just leave me hanging there, gasping for air...when im with you theres no point in breathing"
-the format, tie the rope

"i think i like you, but you like this whole room, you sexy machine"
-gavin degraw, chemical party

"one day when youre sorry, one day when youre free, memories will remind you that our love was meant to be"
-genesis, throwing it all away

"this time i know its real, the feelings that i feel"
-george harrison, ive got my mind set on you

"street lights blink on through the car window...i check the time too often on AM radio"
-gin blossoms, found out about you

"go man go, saturn here we come...and if youre in the know, your soul's solid gold"
-head automatica, solid gold telephone

"and if i, dont see you soon, i just might lose whatever is left of my mind"
-nightmare of you, herbal jazz cigarette

"hes never enough, but still hes more than i can take"
-kelly clarkson, beautiful disaster

"and you're, you're not here and i cant stop pretending that you're forever mine"
-new found glory, dressed to kill

"maybe its for the best, maybe its not for anything"
-new found glory, hit or miss

"love is another word for regret"
-new found glory, youve got a friend in pennsylvania

the many loves of zachary morris

2008-02-27T22:36:00.003-05:00

Zack dated every girl that entered Bayside High, The Max, The Mall, etc. My favorite episodes were the ones that involved a girl with some sort of special feature or handicap. More on that later. Here are the "loves" that I can remember. I make it a point not to look up things, so sadly, all of this SBTB info is acquired knowledge that is taking up space in my brain while I cant remember advertising rates for work or passwords.

1. Stevie
This was during the "Good Morning Miss Bliss" days. He had a mad crush on the superstar singer who used to go to Bayside. I dont know if this counts as a girlfriend, but I really liked these episodes for the song "Hotline To Your Heart" (I need direct connection)

2. Kelly Kapowski
Zack's true love and future wife. She dumped him during the costume prom while Jessie and Slater were singing "How am I supposed to live without you?" for hot Max Manager, Jeff. (aka the original Austin from Days of our Lives)

3.Jessie Spano
Zack and Jessie hooked up during Bayside's production of "Snow White and the Seven Dorks". It was lame and short lived. And kind of weird.

4. Lisa Turtle
Zack broke Screech's heart and kissed Lisa during her fashion show (The Tori Years). Awkward, but it had to be done to complete the circle of hooking up with each "main girl" from the group.

5. Tori
Zack fell for tomboy Tori in the midst of a bet with Slater on who could kiss her first. This is the only episode of the Tori years that I really like. I think its because there is a costume ball and Screech dresses as Gumby.

5. Stacy Carosi
By far my favorite girlfriend of Zack's outside of the main girls...mainly because the episodes at Malibu Sands were my favorite.

Random girls that I might not know the names of:

-Kristy the wrestler. Zack liked Kristy until she defended him in front of a bunch of guys at The Max. Way to hurt the ego. Kristy was the worst.
-JB Slater. The Slaters had a thing for initials. Albert Clifford became AC and then his little sister (who looked like she was 3o) was JB. I dont know what her initials stand for though.
-Homeless girl. I think Zack met her at Mr. Mooneys Shop for Men. She was a coworker of Kelly's. Her father passed out and then they moved in with the Morris'.
-Girl in wheelchair. Result of the Teen Help line (The Tori Years). Organized an inappropriate wheelchair basketball game.
-Overweight girl. I vaguely remember Zack dating a girl that was overweight. This was a very big deal apparently.
-Nurse. They didnt date, but he liked her a lot. I think her name was Jennifer. She pretended to seduce him. Looking back, this was wildly inappropriate behavior for a woman in her late 20's with a 15 year old...in the school nurse's office!
-Chick from Hawaii with a kid. Rena Sofer. She is my least favorite actress in the world. I have nothing else to say.
-College girl from USC. She walked into the Max and Zack offered to help her fix her car by offering his 40 lb cell phone. Amazing. This eventually leads to Kelly finding out that Jeff is cheating on her at The Attic. Screech makes fake IDs. Great episode.

Besides the main girls, the gf's didnt last for more than one episode. Use 'em and lose 'em. Zack Morris was a manslut.

You're cinematic razor sharp...A welcome arrow through the heart

2008-02-22T23:42:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Steph for the inspirational quote below. Damn all of the rotten boys who are too cute and flirtatious for their own good. Damn you straight to hell.

"leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here"

so fresh and so clean

2008-02-21T21:47:00.004-05:00

This post may be a little gross. If you'd prefer to read a less gross post, I did my Oscar picks below.

I'm not sure how many people that read this blog watch Style Network. I pretty much watch Style all day on Saturdays. Even if I'm not paying attention-its on in the background. There are numerous mindless shows including: Split Ends, Clean House, Dr. 90210, Extreme Makeover, etc.

What I dont care for...are the commercials. If I hear one more commercial for feminine cleansing/douching or KY jelly, I'm going to lose it. The commercials are gross and creepy. Each of these commercials has one hideous aspect to them.

Cleansing commercial:
-The V/O says "use it here, here, etc and after being intimate" EWWW!

KY commercial:
-They show a split screen of "normal" KY that is slimey and the new KY that is a "mousse". EWWWW!

Seriously, worst commercials ever. Granted, I am a woman and I'm watching Style network so I guess they are reaching their "target market", but I have to say, I'm horrified by the commercials. They are on all the time. Hey Comcast! I'm a woman and I'd like to see commercials that werent just focused on douching and KY jelly.

I'd be happy if I never saw or heard another thing about douching or KY jelly.

On the flipside, I find that calling people douchebags is quite humorous.

There is nothing good to say about KY jelly. *shiver* EWWW!

oscar the grouch

2008-02-21T19:52:00.004-05:00

My Oscar picks. Based on nothing but unreasonable reasons. I've only seen two of the nominated best pictures this year. Whoops.

BEST PICTURE:
Who do I want to win: Juno
Who do I think will win: No Country for Old Men

BEST DIRECTOR:
Who do I want to win? Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood
Who do I think will win? Paul Thomas Anderson, There Will Be Blood

BEST ACTOR:
Who do I want to win? Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd
Who do I think will win? Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Who do I want to win? Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Who do I think will win? Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

BEST ACTRESS:
Who do I want to win? Ellen Page, Juno
Who do I think will win? Marion Cottillard, La Vie En Rose

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Who do I want to win? Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Who do I think will win? Fucking Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
Who do I want to win? Atonement, Christopher Hampton
Who do I think will win? Atonement, Christopher Hampton

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
Who do I want to win? Diablo Cody, Juno
Who do I think will win? Diablo Cody, Juno

!

2008-02-20T18:43:00.003-05:00

I love music. Whether you are feeling gloomy, happy, depressed, sad or normal--there is a song somewhere that fits your mood. I go through cycles of my musical tastes. I traditionally am a sucker for pop music, poppy punk music, 80's, etc.

Lately...I've been on an "alternative" kick. So, that means on Sirius, I'm listening to ALTERNATIVE NATION 21...roar! It's pretty good. I hear a lot of "mainstream" rock: Foo Fighters, Spoon, Muse, etc. I also hear of a little band called Against Me! Not to be confused with Rise Against. Although ALT NATION plays them both. I am a fan of Against Me!'s latest single "Thrash Unreal" and I really enjoy the exclamation point in their name. I think that's what sets them apart from Rise Against, because honestly--sorry musically inclined friends--I don't know the difference between them.

Exclamation points make the band. Also, don't go changing your name. Especially if it involves an exclamation point!

Did you know that Panic! at the Disco changed their name to Panic at the Disco? Slight difference---the exclamation point! That's what made them great! Now its boring. To spite them, after downloading their new single, I added an exclamation point to their name. First of all, it was better and second of all, I wont let them dictate how my songs are played in my I pod. I don't want half of their songs under one name and the other half under the less cool version of their name.

Next. A New Found Glory. They are pretty much my favorite band ever but after album 1 they decided to rid themselves of the "A". I prefer the A. All of their albums are listed under my I pod as "A New Found Glory".

Another band that I don't really care too much about is AFI. Their name has always been shortened to AFI but they changed the meaning of what AFI meant twice (thanks nick). First it was Asking For It and now its A Fire Inside. I read a website that said it was used to be A Fire Inside Your Heart. Come on! Make up your mind. Or at least use an exclamation point--AFI! looks cool.

So that's that. I like exclamation points and fun things that make bands stand out. I'll end with this quote from Seinfeld (the greatest show ever)...its long but worth it. And I'm sad that I didnt search for this...I knew this quote existed because it had a profound effect on me and my love for exclamation points. Enjoy.

Elaine: Well, I was just curious why you didn't use an exclamation point?

Jake: What are you talking about?

Elaine: See, right here you wrote "Myra had the baby", but you didn't use an exclamation point.

Jake: So?

Elaine: So, it's nothing. Forget it, forget it, I just find it curious.

Jake: What's so curious about it?

Elaine: Well, I mean if one of your close friends had a baby and I left you a message about it, I would use an exclamation point.

Jake: Well, maybe I don't use my exclamation points as haphazardly as you do.

Elaine: You don't think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point.

Jake: Hey, I just chalked down the message. I didn't know I was required to capture the mood of each caller.

Elaine: I just thought you would be a little more excited about a friend of mine having a baby.

Jake: Ok, I'm excited. I just don't happen to like exclamation points.

Elaine: Well, you know Jake, you should learn to use them. Like the way I'm talking right now, I would put an exclamation points at the end of all these sentences! On this one! And on that one!

Jake: Well, you can put one on this one: I'm leaving!

---------------------------------------------------

5A. Jerry and Elaine

Jerry: You're out of your mind you know that.

Elaine: What?

Jerry: It's an exclamation point! It's a line with a dot under it.

Elaine: Well, I felt a call for one.

Jerry: A call for one, you know I thought I've heard everything. I've never heard a relationship being affected by a punctuation.

Elaine: I found it very troubling that he didn't use one.

Go Class of 1993 and 1994 and 2003!

2008-02-19T23:16:00.005-05:00

A few people to thank for this blog before I get started:
-Alayna. Thank you for starting a blog that I actually remember to read.
-Nicholas. Thanks for encouraging my unhealthy obsession with Saved By The Bell and Pee Wee.
-TBS. You are a genius network that gives me four episodes of SBTB every morning.

Speaking of which...

I usually only get to watch two episodes of SBTB every morning before work. People often ask me why I get up so early. I make up excuses that I'm slow and that I like to make my lunch, coffee, etc in the morning, but the real reason is...I watch SBTB. Granted, I have seen all of these episodes about 12 million times* but they are still funny and still create a fury inside of me like no other.
*actual calculated number

Today I watched the Graduation episode. The thing that drives me crazy about this episode is the fact that when "the gang" is called up to receive their diplomas, they are completely out of alphabetical order. Come on. Zack graduated last. Did you know that Morris comes after Kapowski, Powers, Slater, Spano and Turtle? See? SBTB was educational!

"The Gang" was Class of 1993. Do you remember that they came back the following year without Jessie and Kelly and the addition of Tori? Now they are the Class of 1994. I think. Honestly, I'm too lazy to really track it down and figure it out and if I did, I'd be really sad for myself (ok and proud too. but mostly sad. maybe).

This brings me into the second episode I saw this morning...

"Time Capsule". A basic summary is that a "new class" (not to be confused with SBTB: The New Class") brings in a time capsule to Mr. Belding. It is from the Class of 1993. This helps with the theory I've heard from friends that the 1994 class was all a dream. Anyway, it's ten years in the future and 1993 has left...a VIDEOTAPE for the class of 2003. Pretty high-tech. So, Mr. B pops in the video and its the 1993 bunch. Yay. The great thing about SBTB is how politically correct it is. Sort of. To be completely blunt, there are very specific types of people on the show.

1. Nerd (Screech)
2. Hot Girl (Kelly)
3. Minority Jock (Slater)
4. Cool/Hot Guy (Zack)
5. Smart Girl (Jessie)
6. Minority Girl (Lisa)

I mean, its always been obvious, but even more so in "Time Capsule". The brilliant writers of SBTB couldnt think of any other stereotypes to include in a new 30 minute episode, so they created the exact same stereotypes. Viewing the video included: Mr. B with a 'stache, an African-American girl, a smart girl, a minority jock, a nerd and a hot guy with blonde hair. They even went as far as to have the smart girl call the minority jock "a pig". Anyone who knows SBTB knows that "pig" is reserved for Jessie to Slater. Only.

Wow. I think I just had a Zack Attack.