boyfriend application, inquire within

If you can answer "yes" to the following questions, please apply.

• Do you at least have a part-time job?
• Do you have a car?
• Do you like "The Office"?
• Are you sarcastic/do you understand sarcasm?
• Do you dislike Nickelback?
• Can you carry on a conversation with another human?
  
• Do like sports?
• ARE YOU WILLING TO KILL BUGS?
  

I can no longer handle the array of weird bugs that I find in my bathroom. There are silverfish and spiders mainly. I know thats not that weird, but I'm done with it. I screamed when I saw the spider crawling near my foot this morning and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed when I saw the giant silverfish crawl from behind the mirror this morning while I was drying my hair and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed once again when it fell to its demise on the sink and I smashed it again and black goo spilled out. I'm done with bugs. I'm a nice girl, I'll cook you dinner, make you laugh, drink beer, watch football and buy you things. I just want you to kill bugs for me. I'd say its a pretty good deal. Oh, can you also take half of the BGE bill?

Relationship, happiness, blah blah blah. Kill the bugs. That's all I'm asking.

blog challenge #1: "nothing really matters"

Why hello there. Let me explain the title of this blog. A "blog challenge" is something Allan and I came up with to help relieve his writers block. Originally I thought it would be fun if Allan posted on my blog and I posted on his--but the look on his face when I suggested that made me think that he wouldn't be so excited about a SBTB post. The nerve. Regardless, we agreed to choose topics for each other to blog about. I wont reveal the topic I chose for him, you'll just have to read his blog to find out...and you can find it with that handy toolbar on the side. What's my challenge you ask? Here is it is:
you'll be writing about something positive. it doesn't have to be something you hate and then put a posi spin on, (something besides saved by the bell) but something you enjoy, and then provide reasoning for why you like it. you can provide your reasoning in any way you like, however 3 of the reasons must be truthfull, and 3 of them must be fabricated. they don't have to follow that order, as you may insert them as you see fit.

So, if you know me at all, this blog is quite a challenge. Contrary to popular belief, I like A LOT of things. Narrowing the topic down was difficult. In order to make myself feel better, I'm going to list a lot of random things I like and then at the end expand upon one item which probably wont be listed just to throw in that element of surprise.

You'll notice to the right I've already listed things I like. Here are a few more:
-pillows
-black shirts
-hot sauce
-ranch dressing
-grocery stores
-the smell of gasoline
-black and white photography
-the hoover dam
-the "welcome to las vegas" sign
-inxs
-pens
-sharpees
-fall
-reading signs out loud that have lightbulbs burned out and spell different things
(lazy bo, llar buys)

Enough of that nonsense. What I've decided to write about is "Bohemian Rhapsody".

Thats right. The song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Who doesnt love this song? I remember the song from when I was little and I'd hear it randomly in the car and I was always confused but amused by it. Everyone knows I'm not very well schooled on 70's music...but when it comes to 80's and 90's I'm right there. Thus explaining why I really rediscovered the song when "Wayne's World" came out in 1992. I love "Wayne's World" and having this song featured in the movie made it even better. It's the greatest car scene in any movie. That is a bold statement and I will stand by it. Thanks to Wiki, you can read all about "Bohemian Rhapsody" here. What I will steal from Wiki is the breakdown of the song. It is possibly one of the coolest songs ever because there is no "hook" or for you less cool people (haha), no chorus.

Here it is:
1. Introduction
2. Ballad
3. Guitar Solo
4. Opera
5. Heavy Metal
6. Outro

My favorite part for fun sake is the opera...but the heavy metal f'ing rocks. The guitar riff and the lyrics are amazing. "cant do this to me baby, just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here"-powerful. And you know, dont deny it, that the build up to the heavy metal section is one of the most energizing parts to any song. What a rush. I actually had the chance to analyze this song in college in my "History of Rock and Roll" class. We discussed every part and even the fabulous chimes that come into play during the song. I cant believe I just referenced "fabulous chimes"...anyway...

As I delve into the wonderment that is 'Bohemian Rhapsody", I discovered that many people used this song as an excuse for their crimes. Just because Freddie sings "I just killed a man", well it doesnt mean that you should go out and do it. You cant blame media/pop culture for your own actions. Apparently the song got a bad rep for this, but it was more recently revived when a choir group from somewhere in the midwest sang it a competition. It was one of those gospel competitions which I know exist because The Baltimore Sun used to run one called "UniSun". Whoa tangent. Anyway, the audience was overwhelmed with emotion and could not control their tears. I LOVE THIS. I like overreaction and the fact that music is so emotional. I love when it makes you laugh, smile, or brings you to tears like that audience in the midwest. I find the story a bit far fetched because I cant imagine a whole audience crying over one song, but stranger things have happened. I would probably cry over the "Charles in Charge" theme if it sounded good enough. Anyway, this event didnt take place in Kentucky because its actually illegal to perform "Bohemian Rhapsody" in public there. That makes me like the song even more. I wonder if I could go there and just play it in public, like on a boombox, old school. Would that be illegal? I hope so, what a great record to have: Arrested for playing "Bohemian Rhapsody".

I have great memories tied to this song...not only because of the movie "Waynes World", but because of the ride "The Hurler" in Kings Dominion. I'm pretty certain they played the song throughout the ride or in Stan Mikita's...somewhere. Regardless, thats a bitchin rollercoaster. Although, literally two seconds after writing that sentence, I discovered that Kings Dominion has been sold to Cedar Fair and is no longer owned by Paramount. Guess what that means? I'm horrified to report that the "Wayne's World" area of Kings Dominion no longer exists. "The Hurler" is still there but any reference to Wayne is gone. Stan Mikita's is now a "Happy Days Diner". Holy crap that is awful. I'm a fan of "Happy Days", but it just seems so wrong. What happened to the Merth mobile? This is just another entry in the diary of Kara and her devastating discoveries about old amusement parks. I cant even find a picture of the old area. I'm so sad. I think I have a picture from my middle school class trip in 1994. Here is a picture of Stan Mikita:

Oh Stan. The diner made in your likeness is gone. Goodbye.











Well, this blog has certainly taken a depressing turn. All I can do to bring you back is to lift your spirits with the harmonious joy of the senses that is "Bohemian Rhapsody". Maybe the next time you're in the car with your friends and it comes on, you'll headbang and do guitar/drum solos just like Wayne and Garth in the movie and just like me, Brandon, Heather and Adam did once after a concert.

Party on Freddie.

you auto check this out

I have a personal vendetta against automatic faucets, toilets and most importantly, paper towel dispensers. I generally like the idea of not touching flushers or faucets but sometimes they are just not convenient. At work we have automatic toilets (that dont really flush when they are supposed to, but flush immediately as you enter the stall so that toilet water sprays on you) and automatic faucets. The faucets never work. You stand there for ten minutes with your hand under and nothing happens. Then as soon as you walk away, the faucet runs for at 5 minutes. Ugh. So, work decided that it would be beneficial to now install automatic paper towel dispensers. Again, the fun arrives when you need to dry your hands from the overactive faucet and you stand there dripping your hands all over the floor as you frantically wave your hands in front of the sensor that--guess what---doesnt work. So, when the glorious day comes when the paper towel is actually dispensed, you only get one small square. I need at least 3 to dry my hands and 1 to grab the handle on the way out since a lot of women come in and out and dont wash their hands. That's a whole other subject. Some days, the paper towels are loaded so that two come out at once. Days like this make me so happy. It really is the small joys in life.

Today was not one of those small joys. I left my desk to go change for the gym...in the bathroom, somehow my badge was being juggled between my hands and of course--it went into the toilet. I just stared for a few minutes and then heard the rumblings of the automatic flusher. I had to reach in and grab my badge before it was flushed down the toilet! When I yank it out, my badge holder retained a lot of water and before I knew it, water was all over the bathroom floor. This makes it two times this year so far that I've had to reach my hand into a toilet to get things...and its only March.

Needless to say, if the automatic flusher wasnt in the bathroom, I would have been able to grab the badge in a different way maybe instead of with my hand. But no, I had to react quickly and just stick my hand in. Stupid automatic flushers.

think outside the 80s song

I love advertising. I work in advertising and the fun part about that is--I fall for any marketing ploy thats out there...you'd think I'd know better. A good example are food items that are shaped differently, come in different colors or different sizes.

Examples:
-Mini Goldfish Crackers
-100 Calorie packs
-Mini glasses of beer at Rocket to Venus
-Mini kegs

But let me bring you back. Lately its becoming more and more trendy to have a commercial with a current hit song or just a familiar pop song. What happened to all of the jingles and creativity of the past? Not that I'm not a fan of pop music, but don't you miss the commercials/slogans of the 80s such as:

-Whatchamacallit
-Mounds/Almond Joy
-Where's the Beef?
-Honey of an O
-The Micro Machines guy
-McDonald's Big Mac song
-Joe Isuzu
-California Raisins
-Spuds Mackenzie
etc etc

Anyway, there is one commercial that has caught my attention recently and its pretty generic. I think the only reason I like it is because it involves 'Modern English' and Taco Bell...oh and people getting together over burritos. I dunno, kind of gives a single gal hope....hope that you can eat the worst (best) fast food in the world in public and somehow fall in love. The commercial shows couples as well as "opposites" getting together. Stupid "Melt With You", its quite possibly one of my favorite songs from the 80s. It's lovely and weirdly romantic and guess what? It makes me melt. Don't you love the lead singers voice when he says "mesh and lace" but it sounds like "mesh and LAYce" because of his accent? The "hmmm hmmmm" part is great and I just turned this blog about commercials into one about 80s songs.

I dont believe in outlines before I write, know why? Because I always bring you right back. Here is the commercial that inspired me to write. Enjoy! Here's to true love and tacos.

aloha productive workday

So I think we're all aware of the fact I am more than obsessed with SBTB. The thing that makes me the most crazy are the continuity errors. Today I was watching "Aloha Slater". This episode falls within the early ones where the gang is just starting at Bayside. Which, if you didnt realize...means that Zack used to go to JFK Middle School with Miss Bliss, Mr Belding, Milo, Nikki, Screech, Lisa and Mickey...but then magically moved from Indiana to
Bayside, California. It was pretty cool that Bayside High looked just like JFK. Makes for an easy transition I guess. And how nice that Mr. Belding, Screech and Lisa packed up and followed Zack to California.

So anyway...in these early episodes, Zack loves Kelly, Slater loves Kelly, Zack and Slater fight over Kelly, etc. Slater is an Army brat so moving around is normal for him. His dad comes to speak to Mr. B about Slater's possible move to Hawaii. Zack being the genius and rat that he is, convinces the gang that Slater is dying and only moving to Hawaii will cure him. How do you get him to Hawaii? Why you treat him badly of course...all except for Kelly who decides that she is going to go with Slater...wait for it...and move in with her Uncle who lives in Honolulu. If you recall in later episodes after the first class graduated from high school (1993), the gang went to Hawaii to stay with Kelly's grandfather (Dean Jones--a Disney staple in the 60s from "That Darn Cat!", "The Ugly Dachshund", etc). For years I wondered how her grandfather would have this lovely hotel (The Hideaway) in Hawaii, yet Kelly has never mentioned it...and her family was apparently pretty poor because there were 7 little Kapowskis. When Kelly mentioned her "uncle", this was the first time that I've ever witnessed a mild cohesion with episodes. Granted it was still completely off, but ever so slight the victory. I hate and love the amount of useless knowledge I've retained about this show. I thought I'd include some Hawaiian words that I've picked up from my many stays at the Polynesian Village in Walt Disney World....

flower: Pua
eyeglasses: Maka aniani
octupus: He`e
Thank you: Mahalo
Grandfather: Uncle

Success. Grandfather in English is Uncle in Hawaiian. So when Kelly was referring to her Uncle in "Aloha Slater", she actually meant her Grandfather from "SBTB: Hawaiian Style".

Done.

MosSteve (1:47:56 PM): there's a fine line between reality and delusion kara

I've been really hyper on writing letters and complaining lately. It all started with my InStyle magazine not being renewed after I have already paid for it. I paid in January. Obviously I missed the February issue, but why would I miss March as well? So I complained and got the March issue for free. Small battles I know.

Yesterday I wrote a strongly worded email to Entertainment Weekly about a poor movie review they gave "Penelope". They gave it an "F". So ridiculous. I wrote my letter about my disgust for their reviewers while also praising Diablo Cody. I hope it gets published. Mostly because I used the words 'hope' and 'hopefully' in the same sentence and didnt notice til it was sent. Dammit!

Today I'm thinking about writing a strongly worded letter to the gym. Everyday when I'm in there, the children's holding area is overflowing with children. There are only 2 sixteen year old girls there to wrangle all of the children. First of all, get more employees. Second of all, the girls that you hire should actually watch the kids instead of talking on their cell phone, talking to their friends and eating McDonalds. In the past week, I've seen two children escape without the dumbass girls even noticing and they climbed on the equipment! Most of the kids escape and run into the ball pit...where...by the way, the "workers" dont watch them. I hope to God one of them doesnt fall off the top of the jungle gym/ball thing...it wouldnt matter because no one would be watching. The kids that are penned up have mastered the art of the latch hook on the door...and the kids are probably way smarter than the girls that work there anyway. On Thursday I saw a little boy get locked out and he was holding himself because he had to go to the bathroom. Did anyone notice? NOPE. He had to frantically wave down his mother on a machine and she had to take him. Worthless workers. I would never leave my child with them. I wouldnt expect much since the people working are pretty much kids themselves, but come on. Children escaping? That's a bit much.

On a side note...do you know how you go to Chick Fil A and everyone is usually extremely pleasant and says "My pleasure"? Well, not tonight. Apparently Layne and I brought out the worst in their workers...they were horrendous. Dont ask for Buffalo Wing Sauce. They'll give you dirty looks (me). Dont forget if your food is "for here" or "to go"...they'll freeze you with their glares (Alayna). How dare you Chick Fil A. How dare you.

lyrically speaking

I've decided to list the lyrics that I really like. There is no explanation and no order. I just like things. I'll constantly add to the list. I encourage everyone to list their favorite lyrics. Once you do, everytime you hear the song, it'll make you feel great and you'll sing your favorite lyric extra loud. Dont lie, you know you do it...


"cant you see me standing here ive got my back against the record machine...i aint the worst that you've seen"
-van halen, jump

"the things that you say, is it live or just to play, my worries away, youre all the things I've got to remember, you shying away, ill be coming for you anyway"
-a-ha, take on me

"a second chance means nothing-if nothing's learned from past mistakes"
-the movielife, kelly

"honey one more time now it aint fair"
-aerosmith, love in an elevator

"this night is going to end when we're damn well ready for it to be over."
-against me! , thrash unreal

"now im walking again, to the beat of a drum and im counting the steps to the door of your heart"
-crowded house, dont dream its over

"whoa i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself. you know that i could crush you with my voice, stood on my roof and tried to see you...forgetting about me. hide the details i dont want to know a thing"
-fall out boy, the pros and cons of breathing

"breathe out, so i can breathe you in"
-foo fighters, everlong

"im an addict for dramatics, i confuse the two for love"
-taking back sunday, liar (it takes two)

"just tie the rope and kick the chair, just leave me hanging there, gasping for air...when im with you theres no point in breathing"
-the format, tie the rope

"i think i like you, but you like this whole room, you sexy machine"
-gavin degraw, chemical party

"one day when youre sorry, one day when youre free, memories will remind you that our love was meant to be"
-genesis, throwing it all away

"this time i know its real, the feelings that i feel"
-george harrison, ive got my mind set on you

"street lights blink on through the car window...i check the time too often on AM radio"
-gin blossoms, found out about you

"go man go, saturn here we come...and if youre in the know, your soul's solid gold"
-head automatica, solid gold telephone

"and if i, dont see you soon, i just might lose whatever is left of my mind"
-nightmare of you, herbal jazz cigarette

"hes never enough, but still hes more than i can take"
-kelly clarkson, beautiful disaster

"and you're, you're not here and i cant stop pretending that you're forever mine"
-new found glory, dressed to kill

"maybe its for the best, maybe its not for anything"
-new found glory, hit or miss

"love is another word for regret"
-new found glory, youve got a friend in pennsylvania