boyfriend application, inquire within

If you can answer "yes" to the following questions, please apply.

• Do you at least have a part-time job?
• Do you have a car?
• Do you like "The Office"?
• Are you sarcastic/do you understand sarcasm?
• Do you dislike Nickelback?
• Can you carry on a conversation with another human?
  
• Do like sports?
• ARE YOU WILLING TO KILL BUGS?
  

I can no longer handle the array of weird bugs that I find in my bathroom. There are silverfish and spiders mainly. I know thats not that weird, but I'm done with it. I screamed when I saw the spider crawling near my foot this morning and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed when I saw the giant silverfish crawl from behind the mirror this morning while I was drying my hair and smashed it with a magazine. I screamed once again when it fell to its demise on the sink and I smashed it again and black goo spilled out. I'm done with bugs. I'm a nice girl, I'll cook you dinner, make you laugh, drink beer, watch football and buy you things. I just want you to kill bugs for me. I'd say its a pretty good deal. Oh, can you also take half of the BGE bill?

Relationship, happiness, blah blah blah. Kill the bugs. That's all I'm asking.